i've been using (homemade!) ginger tea with honey over the last 2 days to stave off what feels like an upcoming cold. urgh. i'm not cold - temps have gone up and will be nice and warm (read: 3 degrees!!!!) tmr, though it'll be back to sub-zero by sat. complete with snow and all. hopefully not too much of the snow melts - i still want a kinda white christmas =)

but i digress. i'm don't feel cold. at least, not on the outside. the inside is a whole different matter. i can't seem to get rid of the blocked nose (ok, it's more like one blocked nostril...) at all, and my chest feels so congested with phlegm. my throats has that whatchamightcallit feeling, a little swollen, a little painful but mostly it feels like mucus was dripping on it nonstop the entire night.

and i'm tired. i'm tired physically and mentally. and i'm just so sick of writing. i have absolutely no idea where to start for my thesis. yeah prob shouldn't have pushed it back so late, but i'm stuck. i dunno how to structure it, i dunno what my prof wants AND HE IS DAOING MY EMAILS! i mean, it's nice and sweet to send me a 'seasons greetings' that he made for his family to send to his relatives and friends (and i guess, students under him, like me...) but HE DAOED MY EMAIL. c'mon, he had to see it when he opened his mail box to email tt out. grrrrr.

i seroiusly dunno why i'm even doing this. i dun want to touch it anymore. i'm ready to throw the towel in, give up on finishing up the thesis ever in my life. arghhhhhh. such an overwhelming sense of helplessness even as i sit down and prepare to work on it. how do i do this? what should i do? how do i write anything? how do i even thread it all together? and in the first place, how can i presume to even know anything?

now that it's all out, let's see how far i can go today. sigh.

it's funny that the most common phrases that i've been tossing around this sem is 'sian ji pua' and 'wo yao ba gong, wo bu yao zuo le' (directly translated, it means 'i want to go on a strike, i dun want to do already') haha. senioritis is seriously here to stay.


//greatest gift// .hillsonglondon.

condemnation falls away
never more to call on me
and i am clean, yes i am clean
the powerful work of You in me
breaks the chains of guilt and shame
and i go free, yes i go free

i take them to Your cross and leave them there
captured by this grace I'm free at last

it is the great gift of Your salvation
working in me, working in me
it is the life-giving taste of heaven
Your kindness revealed, Your kindness revealed to me

it's the greatest gift of all, it's the greatest gift of all, it's the greatest gift of all

Your mercy's pouring down on me, Your mercy's pouring down on me
and I am clean, I am clean
Your mercy's pouring down on me, Your mercy's pouring down on me
and i go free, i go free

in the face of helplessness, despair and extreme sianness, i turn to the One who can chase it all away, and give me strength, wisdom and motivation to press on. the minute i think it's about me, the minute i forget that this is all about the relationship with You, remind me and bring me back.