i know SUPA camp's coming up next wk or so, and everyone (read: serene) is extremely excited, and those with exams (read: amos) look forward to it as a celebration of their end of exams. i miss that. i miss knowing that i had supa/su to look forward to, miss being a part of that, miss being a part of the life that i once was.

it's not that it's bad here or anything. i wouldn't give what i'm having and experiencing now for almost anything, but there's a vague feeling somewhere inside that i have had to choose between that and this, and unknowingly in a way i made the decision.

went to watch a series of short singaporean films as part of the singapore film festival that's showing. it was pretty good... guess there's actually more exposure for the singaporean directors outside of singapore than in singapore itself. but there were a couple of sentimental films that made me cry.

there was a film about an old man and his grown-up son, and how it seemed that the gap between them was far too much to be bridged. he's unable to express his feelings of love to his son except thru actions, thru cooking a sumptious meal. and the son does not return for dinner at all. the intense longing to be reunited with his son, to be able to talk and to break down the barriers between them, even though they are living in the same house... tt was touching and moving. but more importantly it made me miss my grandfather. and by connection, my grandmother too...

and there was another film about a girl who left for the states to pursue her masters, and her father's business went bankrupt but they still tried to support her as best as possible. she comes back after graduation from harvard for reunion dinner on the eve of chinese new year, in time to come back to an emptied home juz cleared out by the high courts. but above all, the family spirit still bonds them together and gives them the strength to continue.

and well. obviously that made me miss my family. =( guess i haven't really had an episode of homesickness, that is, till last night. i miss you, mum & dad. and knowing that i won't be around for the next 3 chinese new years... even though cny doesn't mean that much to me back in singapore, but when u are here... every little thing does i guess.

had an urge to call them last night. maybe i will tonight :)

who am i
that the LORD of all the earth
would care to know my name
would care to feel my hurt
who am i
that the Bright and Morning Star
would choose to light the way
for my ever wandering heart

not because of who i am
but because of what You've done
not because of what I've done
but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapour in the wind
still You hear me when i'm calling
LORD You catch me when i'm falling
and You've told me who i am
I am Yours

who am i
that the eyes that see my sin,
would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
who am i
that the voice that calmed the sea
would call out through the rain
and calm the storm in me

i am Yours
whom shall i fear?
whom shall i fear?
cos i am Yours
i am Yours